


Colorblind

by ninaaavan



Category: GOT7
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Best Friends, College AU, F/M, cameos by other idols
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-04
Updated: 2020-09-18
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:48:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 10,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26289730
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ninaaavan/pseuds/ninaaavan
Summary: Sana finds herself in the middle of an ugly love-triangle-of-sorts between her boyfriend of two years and his best friend.
Relationships: Kim Yugyeom/Original Female Character(s), Kunpimook Bhuwakul | BamBam/Original Female Character(s)
Kudos: 2





	1. Breathe In

**Author's Note:**

> The title is 'Colorblind' by Movements. Please give the song a listen as it inspired this whole fic. The subtitles in the chapters are lyrics too.
> 
> The rest of the fic will be posted sometime this week. It's currently about 9k and I only have to beef up one section before posting.
> 
> Also, I picked the name Sana and then decided to use Twice girls later so imagine the MC as Twice Sana, or don't, up to you. :)

#  Breathe in

Holding my hand in his, Bambam leads me through the entrance of a cute cafe. 

Every table has succulents and cacti on it, contained by gold and glass terrariums. The tables are glass and their wrought iron bases are spray painted a bronze gold to match the terrariums. The details are adorable and this is exactly the kind of place I would like. 

Chalk boards with fancy hand-writing hang over the modern white marble counter. The menu is pretty typical aside from their lavender flavored lemonade.

Bambam orders his drink and then steps to the side to let me order mine before paying. He jokes with the server and I smile at him for being so friendly and easy to get along with. It's one of the first things I liked about him. 

“How long have you two been together?” The cashier asks after I order our drinks.

"We've been together for about two years now."

She coos, "how cute! I hope you two enjoy."

She slides two cups across the counter with a grin.

I accept the drinks with a smile and walk back to the table. Bambam's on his phone, texting someone, but he puts it down when I sit down and slide him his drink. 

"Who is it?" I inquire before taking a sip from the top of my coffee. 

"Jinyoung is going off on Yugyeom in the group chat."

"Why?" I question, licking some whipped cream off my top lip. 

"He was annoying him last night and they spilled cranberry juice all over his mom's carpet."

"Yikes." Last night Bambam’s core friend group had all been hanging out in Jinyoung’s basement since he was the townie that attended his hometown university. I’d been to his house before and knew that his mother liked to keep things pristine, including the white carpet of the basement. 

"Yeah."

It gets quiet for a moment as we both try our drinks. After swallowing, I tell Bambam about a phone call I had with his mom a few hours prior. He’s not always good about answering his phone, especially in the early morning hours after a night of drinking. 

"So, your mom was telling me she's gonna visit next week. She wants to make us dinner."

"Oh, okay."

"I love your mom’s cooking. She offered to take us out, but I told her I'd prefer her cooking."

"Yeah, she is a really good cook. Maybe I'll ask her to make your favorite."

"Ah, you don't have to do that. Let's just let her make what she wants since she's supposed to be on vacation."

He shrugs, "oh, hey, Mingyu wants to go on a double date with us and his new girlfriend. I told him I'd ask you."

"I'm down. What does he want to do?"

He shrugs with a shoulder and a half smile, "he said something about the amusement park, but I know you don't like them so I suggested bowling."

"Oh, yeah. Sure. You know me so well."

"I know. My baby doesn't like roller coasters so neither do I."

I just crack a smile at him. He can’t ride them anyways.

#  Let the guilt rain down all over me

**Me**

Hey

I'm super excited for our dinner tonight

**Bambam ❤️**

OH shit

**Me**

What?

You forgot, didn't you?

**Bambam ❤️**

I'm so sorry babe

**Me**

Ah, it's okay

We can go another time. I hope you have a nice time doing whatever else it is

**Bambam ❤️**

I'll make it up to you next week 

Promise

I let the phone fall from my fingers and sigh. The hurt in my chest is there more often than not nowadays. I try to ignore it, though. The time I do spend together with Bambam makes it worth it. 

I shouldn't doubt him. 

He loves me and here I am demanding his time.

Since my evening is suddenly free, I settle for texting my friends to see if they're available. 

. . . 

Some of my closest girl friends, Bora and Kyunghee, invite me to their apartment. We sit together on the couch and catch up on life.

"Wait, why did Bambam cancel on you?"

I shrug, "he actually didn't say. Just that he forgot so I figured he had something more important to do."

"Shotgunning beers at the field is more important than your date?" Bora deadpans and flips Kyunghee's phone around to face me. 

And there it is: Bambam, Mark, and Jackson standing in the bed of someone's pick up truck shotgunning beers and yelling "Amerithaikong" when they finish. I can see that Jinyoung has posted it and I can hear Yugyeom talking in the back. Presumably all six of Bambam's other friends are there with him. 

Oh.

Ouch.

The pain is stronger this time than normal and I feel. . . like crying? Maybe just a little. 

Am I a bad girlfriend? 

"I'm sure there's a reason--"

Does he not like our dates?

"He's a dick, Sana. It's time for you to ditch him."

"But--"

I'm cut off again by Kyunghee this time, "I know you really care for him, and that you've been together for two years, but it's not fair to you."

"This is the third time this month he's blown you off to go hang out with his friends."

I stare at my hands where they rest on my legs, but I don't think I really see them. Why do I feel guilty? 

"There are plenty of people out there who won't treat you like that."

"And better looking guys."

"I get you think he's ugly and not worth it, but we've been through a lot together and I don't want to leave him just because of a few missed dates,” I state decisively. Bora has always had something against Bambam. Since the day I met her at the dive bar downtown in the bathroom as I tried to clean Mark’s spilled drink off of my shirt to the best of my abilities. She had offered me her overshirt which was sheer but dry and opted to stroll around in the tank top she had on underneath. 

“We just want you to be happy and treated like the queen you are.”

“Thanks guys. I'm just glad he has so many good friends and I don't want to take that away from him.”

“Expecting him to go on pre-scheduled dates is not asking too much or taking him away from his friends. If he really wanted to hang out with the boys he should've remembered and told you about it. Or taken you with him.” Bora rolls her eyes like it’s obvious. Maybe to an outsider it is, but she couldn’t understand how I feel. It’s not cut and dry when there’s two years of history behind us. 

“It's not really a bring-your-girlfriend- with kind of--”

“Youngjae brought Dahyun. That's why she’s not here.”

“To be fair, they rode together back from his mom's house,” Kyunghee points out. She balances Bora out in our friendship and I’m grateful for her.

“Can we please not argue about this? I already feel like shit because Bambam cancelled. I didn't call you guys to feel worse about things.”

Perhaps it was a shitty thing for me to say, I note as the two press their lips together.

.

.

.

There’s a cafe on campus where I really like to sit in the window and work on homework. The seat lets me look up and see the occasional friend and sometimes they even pop in to join me. 

Jaebeom, one of Bambam’s older friends, had slipped in earlier to work on something. He took the seat next to me and started working. I thought he preferred the silence of the library, but sometimes the brown noise of the cafe is better. 

At one point, he strikes up a conversation while waiting for a refill on his coffee. 

"You don't seem to mind that Bambam spends more time with Yugyeom than you."

"Why would I?" I blink. 

"You are dating, right?"

I would roll my eyes if I was any closer to JB than mutually friends because of my boyfriend. "And? Just because we're dating doesn't mean I want him to stop hanging out with his friends. I'm cool tagging along while he has fun."

JB nods and looks somewhat impressed, "wow."

"Is it that big a deal?"

"No, no. I just think everyone else's girlfriends would freak out if they were being ignored."

I shrug. I didn’t see it as him ignoring me. 

"Isolating Bam isn't my goal. Besides, watching them do dumb shit is funnier than anything I could do."

He nods at that too before getting up to grab his new cup when the barista, Johnny, calls for him.

The case in point is that right now, Youngjae is filming a Tik Talk of them dabbing and hitting the woah. I don’t know it yet, but I’ll see it later when Bambam sends me the link to it this afternoon.


	2. Run Fingers Over Scarred Skin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW// mentions of drug and alcohol use

"Let me take your picture, you look really cute like that."

Bambam holds still, ice cream on his nose. I take a few pictures like that before he tries to lick the ice cream off. His tongue isn't long enough, but it is fun to watch. I laugh and hand him a napkin.

"Thanks babe.” 

We continue to eat our ice cream and enjoy the warmth of the afternoon. 

“What do you want to do now? We can play a game or something if you want."

"Can we play zombies and do a face mask?"

"Sure. Do we have to play the same map, though?" He nods before pouting. He offers me a hand to stand up off the bench and walk towards my apartment. 

"It's the only map I'm good at. You know that."

"Fine. But you would get better at the other maps if you played them more."

"Yeah," I nod. “You’re right.”

So we try to play another map and I’m terrible at it. This one is too frustrating and I can’t get past round six. He’s patient with me for a while before he gives up and we play the map I know. Somehow I feel bad.

.

.

.

My phone rings and Bambam’s contact picture (one of his baby photos) pops up.

“Hey!” I smile. 

“Hi babe.”

“What’s up?”

"Can we reschedule dinner this week? Mark's throwing a party and I want to go."

My face falls slightly, but at least it’s early enough in advance that we can plan something else.

"Oh, yeah. That's fine. What day do you want to do instead?"

"I don't know. How about Friday?"

"I can't. Bora and I are going to a concert, remember?" Part of me wants to sell my ticket to have dinner, but then I think about how amazing it would be to see Movements in concert and think about how long I’ve been planning on going to the show. 

"Oh, that's right. Well what about Sunday? We can have brunch."

I hate brunch, but I can’t say that. He seems to like it a lot.

"If you want to then we can do that." 

"You don't like brunch?" He wonders. 

"Not really. I could make us brunch at my place, that way I don't have to dress up or spend a fortune."

"Okay, let's do that then. I didn't want to volunteer your time to be spent in the kitchen." He can be really thoughtful once in a while. At least he remembers that I’m not always ready to cook and he knows not to expect me to. 

"It's all good. I don't mind."

. . .

The phone rings and Bambam’s picture lights up the screen. I pick up and he talks almost right away. 

"Can Yugyeom come to brunch? I'm hungover and he's gonna drive me back."

"Oh, sure," I respond and get up to set out another set of dishes. 

"Dope.  _ She said yes _ . We'll be there in about fifteen minutes, babe."

"Okay, see you then." I hang up and sigh before going to put the card I bought for Bambam away. I'll give it to him later so that Yugyeom doesn't feel like a third wheel. I also put away the bottle of champagne I bought for mimosas. Bambam probably won't feel like drinking since he's hungover and Yugyeom will be driving so there's no point in opening it. I don’t want to be tempted to drink a whole bottle and it’s not a special occasion anymore, not really.

I change the TV to watch a drama while I wait.

The sound of the door opening followed by shuffling alerts me to their arrival, so I go to turn the TV off and greet them, but they beat me to it and enter the room.

"Hey babe."

"Hey guys."

"Hi Sana. Oh, you're watching this drama? I love it. What episode are you on?" Yugyeom asks as he comes to sit on the couch with me while Bambam heads into my bedroom, presumably to change.

"I think this is episode six. I really like it so far."

"Yeah, the actors are really good and the story line is interesting. I was telling Youngjae about it, but Bambam kept making fun of me."

"Yeah, he teases me about it too."

"He's the one with awful taste in television. He would watch the nature channel straight up all day if he could."

I laugh at the way he says the words.

"Are you talking shit about me?"

"Yes."

Bambam just jokingly rolls his eyes.

"Well, are you guys hungry?" I offer, standing up.

Bambam shrugs and Yugyeom nods, "I'm starving."

"Well, I've got the food ready so we can eat."

The three of us go to the kitchen.

"Oh wow, you've decorated the table so nicely. These flowers are beautiful."

"Ah, thanks. I got them at the market the other day. How much do you want?" I show the plate to Yugyeom. 

"Oh, that's perfect. Thank you." I nod and bring his plate and Bambam's to the table before going to get my own. 

They wait for me to sit down before they start eating.

Yugyeom tucks in right away and compliments my cooking.

"This is seriously delicious. Better than any brunch place in town."

"Sana is a really good cook. Thanks again, babe."

"Yes, thank you."

"You're welcome guys." I smile at them both.

Bambam picks at his food and then Yugyeom steals from his plate. 

"There's more if you want some,” I point out.

"It's okay. I'll just eat his. His stomach is probably upset from drinking last night anyways."

Bambam nods his head, "yeah. I think I'm gonna grab an advil and nap once you leave, Gyeom."

"I won't overstay my welcome,” he promises before finishing his plate at a moderate place. 

I tell them some campus news as he eats and Bambam fades. 

We say our goodbyes in the doorway. 

"I'll hit you up later, Gyeomie."

"Nice to see you again, Yugyeom."

"Bye guys. Thanks for brunch, Sana."

Once he leaves, I straighten the kitchen while Bambam goes to lay down and takes his pain reliever. 

"Baby, come lay down with me. I want to hold you."

"Alright, I'll be there in a second." 

I make my way to my room to see him curled up in the bed. 

"How much did you drink last night?" I question softly. 

"A lot."

"Did you mix it with weed?" I question as I take in how poor his condition is this morning. I try to hold the judgement from my voice. He knows how I feel about getting cross-faded and how I find it dangerous.

"No, I only drank last night."

I hum in acknowledgement. 

“Good.”

Bambam falls asleep with his head on my chest as I stroke his hair. It'll be impossible to move him without waking him since his arms are around me, so I nap too.

#  Could you repeat yourself I wasn’t listening

Now’s the time, I decide. He’s not looking at me and I can start what I want to say without feeling the pressure of his eyes on me. My fingers fidget in my lap.“I love you, Bambam. But I need to get something off my chest.”

He turns to look at me and nods, “okay. What is it?”

“Lately I've been feeling like a second choice to you, like when you forget our dates. I want you to go have fun with your friends, of course, but it hurts my feelings when you blow me off to hang out with them.” Once the words are out, I can’t take them back. Something about hearing them aloud makes me feel like I’ve been overdramatic, but then again, I can’t help how I feel. And it’s not like this is a one time deal, it’s becoming a habit.

“Oh, baby, no. I never meant to make you feel like that. I swear it's just because I'm so forgetful or the plans are last minute. I promise I'll start using my calendar app again. No more forgotten dates, okay?” He swears and reaches over to hold my hand.

. . .

Bambam is good at making the next few dates a priority, even though he lets some of the times we were supposed to hang out at home slide. The hang outs aren’t such a big deal, I rationalize. It’s not like they’re big plans that require reservations and money and coordination.

I let them slide.


	3. Give Me a Reason

It's a month later when I'm waiting at the restaurant for Bambam to show up for our date. Except that he's already thirty minutes late and hasn't said anything about it.

I don't want to believe he forgot.

I order a second glass of wine. He'll be here soon. There's no way he'd miss tonight.

Ten minutes later and still not a word from him. Another glass of wine. Or was it two?

I check my phone nervously and wait another ten minutes.

There’s not a section of the restaurant that my eyes haven’t already scanned. 

Ten minutes feels like eternity, even if it isn't.

People are starting to look at me with a fake kind of empathy based on their assumptions. Their assumptions aren’t wrong, though. I don’t want to admit it. 

My phone dings, but the message isn't from him.

The waitress comes to ask me if I want another glass of wine. There aren’t many people in this restaurant, so she'd probably just witnessed me downing my fourth glass.

"Just the check, please," I almost whisper, willing my voice to come out strong and feeling betrayed by it too.

I know, in my heart of hearts, that he has forgotten about our date. He’s chosen something else.

And this one was so important. If not because of how dressed up I’d gotten, then maybe because of the reservations or the occasion.

The looks of pity I'm getting from other people make my skin crawl.

"It's on the house," she tells me and then walks away. I don’t want free drinks because she feels bad or for any other reason.

I fish a few bills out of my wallet and drop them on the table before getting up to leave. I step out of the restaurant carefully and walk down the main street until I get to my side street. The breeze suddenly threatens to carry me away with it. Four glasses of wine on an empty stomach wasn’t my best idea.

Sighing heavily, I reach down and unbuckle my heels so that I can carry them while I walk. My calves hurt and toes feel pinched. I’d rather deal with sharp rocks on the bottom of my feet.

I pull at my hair tie until my hair falls down. My scalp feels relieved now that the hair isn't being pulled into an updo.

The straps of my shoes threaten to fall from my fingers and I shiver. There's nothing holding me down at the moment. Must be the wine. Again. 

Hurt washes over me. 

Fuck, dude. 

I really don't want to cry right now. I still have almost two kilometers to go until I'm home. 

It's no use, though. The tears do start to fall despite my trying to stop them. 

I watch where I step, but sometimes my eyes are too blurred to see. Luckily the worst things I step on are sharp pebbles and not broken bits of glass. Glass is the worst because it does real damage and the shards are hard to see.

A car halts on the one way street. It illegally blocks the driveway of the house I'm passing, but keeps the road clear. The window rolls down, "Sana?"

I sniffle and wipe at my eyes, hoping my eye makeup isn't too smeared, before turning to see who it is. 

"Oh, hey, Yugyeom," I force a smile. It probably doesn't look stable though.

He shifts into neutral and pulls on his parking brake, then gets out to check on me, hands holding my forearms, steadying me and anchoring me. He studies my face.

I feel like a boat on open water-- a choppy sea threatening to sink me-- but his grip makes me feel like I'm on solid ground again. I breathe for a moment to clear my head.

But then it's too much when the panic rises again and his hands feel like shackles.

Trapped. I feel trapped. I'm a burden and I need to get away. I can finish my break down at home and in private. Right now I just need to convince Yugyeom that I'm fine. Then I can go get washed away by an ocean of emotion. 

I try to shrug away but he won't let go. I just want to go home and cry in peace. Locked in my room I will feel free.

"What's wrong? Where's Bam?"

I shrug and this time wrench my arms away so that I can swipe at more tears. 

"You don't know? He didn't show up to your dinner?"

Hold your words in, Sana. 

I know once I open my mouth it'll be hard to stop. Yugyeom knows Bambam better than anyone, but I'm not sure Bambam's ever let him down like this. Raw disappointment hurts.

He's his friend and I don't want to say anything.

I shake my head no and his features soften from questioning to concerned. His look is so. . . foreign. When was the last time someone had looked at me like that without insinuating that I was somehow at fault? 

It wasn’t my fault for staying with Bambam, was it? He loved me, didn’t he?

I feel like I’m swaying again, being rocked by the waves. They keep coming and threatening to get bigger. I don't want to be swept away. 

He holds his arms open and I crash into his chest to cry into the soft fabric of his black t-shirt. Grounding.

"He's an asshole. You deserve better, Sana. I'm so sorry." He comforts me for a few minutes until I pull away. 

I can't think about anything that doesn't compound the hurt. Not only are the waves coming, but the wind is picking up and making things worse. 

Panic comes to the frays of my mind. 

_ Go home before you panic in front of him. He doesn't need to be bothered by you. It's just a panic attack from being overwhelmed with emotion, not anything that matters.  _

"I think I want to go home now. Thanks for letting me cry." I wish there was a sign that someone cares. It’s becoming clear that Bambam doesn’t, and if he doesn’t, then who does?

"Let me give you a ride home." 

Can he see right through me? 

"Would you?"

"I can't let you walk home barefoot and crying, are you kidding me? Get in." He opens the door for me and shuts it gently before running around to his side of the car. 

Yugyeom is sweeter than I feel I deserve.

"What were you doing out?" I ask him. 

"I was just gonna go grab dinner."

He pulls a napkin out of the center console and hands it to me. I put it to use right away, blowing my nose.

"I'm sorry--"

"For what?" He interrupts. His eyes are fixed on the road. There are all kinds of things to look out for. Cyclists, pedestrians, other cars.

"You're probably hungry and now you have to circle all the way back around to--"

"Did you eat?" 

"What?"

"Did you eat dinner? If he didn't show up then I assume you didn't."

"Uh, no."

"Come with me then. Do you like tacos?"

"You really don't have to--"

"Yeah I do. You have to eat a good meal, it's your birthday."

My breath catches. He remembered that?

"So what do you say? Tacos?"

I nod, "yeah. Tacos."

Food will make me feel better. That in combination with the company will be good. I just hope he doesn't ask me any questions before I've calmed down. I don't want to cry. 

It gets quiet and Yugyeom hums to the song playing on the radio as he finds a parking spot. 

I slip my shoes back on. 

"I drank four glasses of wine," I tell Yugyeom when I stumble out of the car. 

He just offers me his arm and lets me lean on him so that I don't fall in my heels as the alcohol hits. Huh. He didn't laugh at me.

He opens the door to the Mexican restaurant and lets me walk in first. The server offers me a kind smile and tells us to sit wherever.

Yugyeom points at a table near the window and I nod so we sit. 

I stare blankly at the menu. I know what I want, I don't need to look. 

"Sweetie," the server gets my attention and sets a pack of make up wipes in front of me. 

"Oh, thank you." 

"I'll get you both some waters. What else would you like to drink?"

"Just water," I say lowly. My voice is gravelly now, great. 

"Can I have some tea?"

She nods and heads back to the kitchen. 

"If she comes to take our order can you get me chicken tacos?"

"Sure. Is that all?" 

I nod and grab the pack of wipes and head to the restroom to fix my face. If it was bad enough that she gave me wipes, I can only imagine. 

I swing the door open. It smells strongly of air freshener in here, but hopefully it won't take long to remove the trails of makeup and tears. 

I shudder as I look at myself. My mascara and eyeliner has run everywhere it seems.

It's all coming off. My eyes sting from tears and make up so I splash my face a few times. Funny. 

Sitting at a table in a Mexican cantina, waiting for me, is Kim Yugyeom, my boyfriend's best friend. I was supposed to be at the fanciest Italian restaurant in town with Bambam, but instead he'd forgotten. It seemed ironic that Yugyeom was here and he wasn't. But then again, he'd always been a good friend. Bambam, as much as I love him, is an idiot. Scatter-brained at the best of times and forgetful at the worst. 

On my way back to the table I return the wipes. The woman looks kind with a small smile and a concerned look.

"You look better now. Did that boy make you cry?"

"No," I shake my head. "My boyfriend did."

"No boy is worth crying over," she says and pats my shoulder conspiratorially. "Especially not on your birthday."

"How did-- did he tell you?"

She nods, "seems like you should be with him instead, but that's none of my business."

I look down at the floor, "I'm starting to think you're right."

But how shitty can I be to think that? That two years of dating someone and then dating his best friend would be acceptable?

I slink back to our table and sit. 

"You look better."

I force a smile. 

"I ordered for us. I also got us quesadillas for an appetizer because I'm starving."

"Okay," I nod. 

"So, what did you do today? Anything special"

"Bora and Kyunghee made me breakfast in bed and gave me gifts, then I just went to classes," I shrug. 

"That's nice of them. I always thought Bora was kind of mean."

"She's not. She just comes off that way,” I defend.

"I figured she wasn't since you're friends with her."

"What do you mean?"

Yugyeom shrugs with a small smile, "you're so nice. There's no way you'd be friends with someone that's a bad person."

"Oh," I flash another flat smile. "I don't think I'm that nice."  _ Especially not since I just thought about dumping your best friend and considered the idea that you’d be a better boyfriend, _ I think to myself.

"Of course you don't, because you're also humble."

"Hey, Yugyeom?" The conversation has to change directions. I feel like his words, although honest and well-intentioned, are only spoken because he pities me. 

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for taking me out."

"You're welcome! You deserve it. Besides, I was dying for this food."

A plate is magically produced by the server and Yugyeom looks at me and then the food before grinning.

I smile. 

"There it is. There's that smile." His own smile gets soft-- I think.

I blush (although my cheeks are probably still alcohol red) but ultimately reach for a slice of the quesadilla. 

It tastes delicious. Between being stood up and getting half drunk, I hadn't realized how hungry I was. 

"Is it good?"

I nod ferociously and he takes a big bite of his own. 

By the time we polish off the quesadillas, our tacos arrive. 

"Yugyeom?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm thinking of breaking up with your best friend," I announce. He looks only a little surprised, but also like he was expecting it. 

"Oh. Okay. Because of today?"

I huff at my own stupidity when I think of why. Yeah. I was stupid to let things slide all this time. And I wasn’t out of my mind to be mad after today and to want to dump him. Although I wouldn’t go far enough to forgive myself for thinking that Yugyeom is really cute and sweet.

"This is the sixth date he's forgotten in the past two months. I don't think he really respects my time. I love him, but I’m tired of it."

He just nods in understanding, “you know I love him too, but you do deserve better.”

#  Is it the change of season?

**Bambam ❤️**

Baby I'm so sorry

**Me**

Where were you?

**Bambam ❤️**

I was out with Mark and my phone died so I couldn't text you

That. . . My fingers hover over the keyboard, trembling in the air.

**Me**

That doesn't answer my question, Bambam. 

**Bambam ❤️**

We went to Northgate

**Me**

Why would you go there? 

**Bambam ❤️**

He had to pick something up for his dad so I rode with him. He told me we would be back in time for you dinner

I'm so sorry

**Me**

You know what Bambam?

I've had enough of this

This is the sixth date you've forgotten in the past two months. I forgave the other ones, but it was my fucking birthday

I waited a whole hour for you and got all dressed up for nothing

You could've texted me from Mark's phone

But you didn't and I sat there like a loser and cried in the fucking street

**Bambam ❤️**

I'm so sorry

I promise I won't forget anymore

**Me**

No, you won't

**Bambam ❤️**

I love you so much babe 

**Me**

Because there won't be anymore dates Bambam

It's over

I let the phone fall from my fingers and ignore all of his calls and texts from then on. 

If I let him talk to me, I know he'll change my mind. It's always this way. He fucks up and I'm mad for hours, but then he apologizes and I forgive him too soon. If I let him talk to me, I'll forget how I felt like shit and how unimportant I felt. 

. . .

**Me**

I did it 

I text Yugyeom. He doesn't even read it. 

The same text gets sent to Bora and Kyunghee who question what that means. I tell them how Bambam forgot our date and how I cried like a loser because I was so upset. I tell them about Yugyeom appearing like a knight in shining armor and treating me to dinner. 

Bora tells me that "it's about time". Kyunghee asks how I'm doing. 

I respond that I'm okay, just packing up some of his things to be returned and ignoring his calls and texts that seemingly stopped a while ago.

It’s not the truth. I feel empty and drained. I don’t know how to explain to our families and our friends.

. . .

**Yugyeom**

I know. He called and I've been talking to him about it. How are you handling things? I'm sorry I've been preoccupied with him. 

I break my blank stare from the wall to read the message. 

. . .

**Mark**

breaking up with bam after two years via text message is a bitch move

**Me**

I don't need you to harass me. I've made my decision.

I don't think it's any of your business, Tuan.

**Mark**

stay away from him you spoiled bitch

. . . 

**Dahyun**

Hey Sana! I heard from Youngjae that you're going through a tough time and I know we weren't that close but I'll always consider you a friend so if you ever need anything, lmk :)

**Me**

Thanks Dahyun! Let's keep in touch, okay?

**Dahyun**

Yeah of course! Chin up, buttercup!

. . .

**Jaebeom**

Hey Sana

I told everyone to give you some space

Mark was in the wrong to send you those messages. He's protective of Bambam, whether his actions are right or wrong. 

Let me know if they bother you again. I hope you are happy.

The last message hits me hard. Jaebeom had undoubtedly not meant it in the way it came off. He was the most mature of all of Bambam's friends, but it came off as rude. 

I don't respond to the message now. I'll wait until the morning and see if I care to then.

#  Or maybe it's not meant for me

**Me**

Look, can you ask your friends to leave me alone? 

Mark and Jackson are constantly at my throat

**Bambam**

You’re the one that broke up with me over text

**Me**

I was upset that you forgot my birthday dinner

And because you’d missed six dates in the two months preceding

**Bambam**

I was trying

**Me**

Look

I just want an end to the harassment

**Bambam**

Then ask JB 

**Me**

Why? 

Can’t you take responsibility for your friends and talk to them?

**Bambam**

Apparently it’s not worth me trying.

If I were to text JB, I know how things would turn out. He’d scold Mark and Jackson, but then they’d just double down on me for being a snitch.

If Bambam wouldn’t do anything, I’d just have to wait it out. These texts are my last resort before I mute their threads.

. . .

Dahyun invites me over to have a movie night with her and her roommate. I agree since it’s the first time someone other than Bora and Kyunghee ask me to do something in the past two weeks.

Her roommate, Tzuyu, watches with us. We paint our nails and have a nice time avoiding talking about significant others and exes. Dahyun is a sweetheart and so is Youngjae so I can see them pairing well together. It makes me a little bit sad, but I push the feelings away.

All the time Bambam spent out with his friends and I spent waiting for him in the quiet of my apartment should’ve been used for something else. And since I hadn’t done anything during that time, I would just have to start now.

#  Is there something wrong with me?

Yugyeom’s standing at my door in shorts and a tank top. I blink at him in question.

“What are you doing here?” I question, confused by his presence.

“Kyunghee said you weren’t busy, so I thought we could watch a drama together.”

Suddenly it makes sense as to why Kyunghee had called and asked what I was doing earlier. 

But shouldn’t he be with Bambam and the guys? Surely they had plans on a Friday night. 

“Okay,” I nod and let him in, still feeling like this is some joke.

We sit on the couch and watch the show together, snacking on roasted chickpeas and drinking water. He leaves at a decent hour and doesn’t try anything. 

It’s nice.

. . . 

Bambam’s usual routine doesn’t bring him to campus at this time normally, but here he is. Maybe he needed to see a professor about something or wanted a coffee. Whatever it is, he’s in the student building. As soon as I step foot in the building, he notices me. I’m met with a blank look from him. I can’t tell if it means he’s sad or angry, but I’m tired. 

Every time I see him on campus, it’s like this. I feel as if I’m a ghost. 

The wind could carry me away and he wouldn’t care because he pretends he can’t see me, even when his eyes are trained on me. 

He looks through me, like he sees something I’m not. 

I let him have time to heal. 

With a sigh I trudge to a different floor and curse all the people that took up the seats at the cafe.

#  Save yourself, I'm not worth the time

“I’m over him,” I declare. It’s mostly true. Sometimes feelings are fickle, and I know healing isn’t a linear process. Considering that it’s been a few months and things were falling apart before, it eases the guilt I feel for moving on so quickly. 

Yugyeom turns to look at me before reaching for the remote control and pausing the drama that plays on screen. 

“Really?”

I nod once in earnest. 

“What makes you say that?” He cocks his head to the side and waits patiently for any kind of explanation. 

With a shrug, I open my mouth to justify my words. “The guy in the drama with the whiny girl? They remind me of Bambam and me. It just made me realize I wouldn’t want to get back together with him.” 

It’s better to leave certain things unsaid, I know. So I don’t explain how we had grown apart or any of the deeper feelings that I’d spent time unravelling and letting go of. 

Yugyeom nods and seems to accept the answer. I lean forward and press play on the episode again. 

When this one ends, the screen displays the ‘are you still watching?’ and before I can reach to press ‘yes’, Yugyeom grabs my hand. 

"I like you a lot, Sana."

"Yugyeom-- do you really?"

He nods, "I do. I've liked you for a long time."

Did he like me when I was still with Bambam? Did I think that makes him shitty? No. Yugyeom was such a good friend that I didn’t have any idea even when Bam and I were still together.

He keeps looking at me earnestly. His eyes are clear and his lips are set in a relaxed line as he waits for me to process his confession. 

Oh no. Am I ready to admit my feelings? Are they genuine or am I still a post-Bambam mess? What is going on within my head?

But Yugyeom's sweet and patient smile reminds me of all of the times he's been there for me. From afternoons spent watching dramas to warm and genuine texts checking on me, we’ve gotten a lot closer than we were before. 

And then there was the whole would-have-been-a-date-if-I-wasn’t-dating-your-best-friend thing on my birthday.

"I don't know what to. . . I like you too."

"So do you want to go on a date?" He asks hesitantly, he’s so cute when he’s shy.

I frown and think of the repercussions.

"I don't know."

"Why not?"

I have to pick my words carefully. My own mind isn't sorted out at the moment so it's hard.

"Because it feels too. . . soon."

"You just said you were over him,” he points out.

"I-- I am, but he's your best friend." Why do I feel so defensive? I'm not in the wrong for trying not to hurt anyone in this situation.

"And? He treated you like shit. You deserve better. I think that we could work if you gave us a chance."

"You don't think he'll be hurt?" I’m concerned for his feelings.

"I don't know. Maybe. So what about it?"

"But Bambam--"

"Who cares about Bambam? If he really loved you he would want you to be happy, whether that was with me or him." I can tell he's becoming exasperated by my questioning, but it’s becoming too much for me.

"I feel like you're trying to guilt me into dating you."

Yugyeom is quick to backtrack.

"No-- that's not-- I swear that's not what I'm trying to do. I just really like you and I have for a while and I got sick of seeing Bambam treat you like that. I didn't pressure you to end your relationship with him. I waited until you were ready. I didn't try to make a move on you when the break up was fresh, I waited until you felt ready and like you had moved on."

"I appreciate that," my face feels hot and I know it's coming before the tears form. "But I just don't know. I love him a lot and I don't want to hurt him. You're his best friend and I just think he'd be upset."

"So you being upset is better? Ask him for yourself how upset he is. How upset he would be. Whatever."

"Why are you mad at me?"

"I'm not," his eyes soften. "I'm sorry. I'm just frustrated because you deserve the world and you're holding yourself back because of Bambam. I know you care about him and I do too. He's my best friend, but I really think he'll be fine if we date. It might take him some time to adjust, but honestly, didn't you still want him in your life? I know he still wants you to be a part of his, even if you're not his girlfriend anymore."

"How do you know that?" I wonder. At this point, I can’t imagine he’d ever feel that way. Not with how he’s been treating me as if I don’t exist. 

"We've talked about it in the past. He said he'd be okay with you moving on."

I pull away from Yugyeom and stare at him like he’s just told me he and Bambam can turn into fish on command. 

"You told him?"

Why the hell would he do that? Was he dead set on ending his friendship? Did it not matter to him that he was in the middle of an ugly break up that hadn’t healed yet?

"I didn't tell him I like you, if that's what you're asking." His answer pacifies you somewhat. 

"Don't you think it's different, though? Like, that we would go out? Instead of me and someone he doesn't know? I don't want to rub salt in the wound." I stare into his pretty cinnamon eyes and admire the beauty mark below the one. 

"I can't honestly tell you because I don't know."

"You're willing to risk your friendship for me?"

He hesitates but he nods his head no. My heart clenches. 

Of course he would cho-- I can’t blame him.

"I'm not risking my friendship. Bambam and I are too close. He might get pissed at me, but I won't let him end our friendship." 

I pause and ruminate over the decision. I just have to be sure so I ask, "you're positive that you want this? And you're cool with going against the bro code or whatever it's called?"

"Yes, Sana. I swear to you."

“Okay then.” I nod and convince myself that he knows what he’s getting into and that things will work out just fine in the end. 


	4. It's Never Been a Friend to Me

"You're dating? What the  _ fuck _ , Kim Yugyeom? How could you date my ex-girlfriend?"

"Not cool, dude," Jackson shakes his head in the background. 

"Look, Bam, we don't expect you to be cool with it--"

"Why the fuck would I? Just because it's been two months-- wait a fucking minute. Were you together behind my back?"

"What the fuck?" Yugyeom scoffs. "No! Do you think I would do that? Do you think Sana would do that to you? She was crazy about you.”

"I don't know," Bambam spits. He's testy now and Yugyeom's kind of worried for the first time that their friendship might not survive. "You're banging my girl--"

"Okay, first of all, we aren't 'banging' and second of all, she's not your girl anymore. You fucked that up when you skipped her birthday dinner to go get high with Mark. And to set the record straight, she never cheated on you and I never would have done that. I'm pissed you even insinuated such a thing."

"You--"

"Shut up, Bambam. You said you'd be cool with her moving on. I waited until both of you were ready before I asked her out. She fucking cried and said she didn't want to ruin our friendship and I had faith that you would be at least a little bit accepting because you know how serious I am when I like someone. I told her straight to her face that our friendship would be fine. And I didn't expect you to be fine with it right away so I came to tell you as a friend and this is how you treat me? Accusing me of fucking your girlfriend when you were still together?"

Yugyeom is so angry that he doesn't notice the car door open and Jaebeom step out. He slides his phone into his pocket and tries to discern what's going on before him. All he can make of the situation is that it's tense.

"I'm not the one trying to shack up with your ex-girlfriend."

"Chill out, Yugyeom. You're being, like, a real dick right now," Mark says. 

"Yeah," Jackson chimes in. "Trying to get with his ex and then being mad isn't cool."

"Will you two shut up? Why don't you go cheat on your girlfriends some more and stay out of our business?"

"Okay," Jaebeom steps in. "What's going on here?"

Bambam's the first to fling his finger at Yugyeom and spit the words "this asshole is trying to sleep with Sana."

Jaebeom blinks and looks at Yugyeom to hear his side of the story. Yugyeom grits his teeth. 

"I asked Sana out. I'm not trying to sleep with her and he's being a little bitch about it."

"I'm not being a little bitch-- you're such an ass. I can't believe I thought we were friends." Mark and Jackson nod at Bambam's words and Yugyeom can clearly see how they stand behind him, ready to pounce. 

"Everyone, calm down," Jaebeom orders. "Why don't you both get some air and then talk it over once your heads clear. I'm sure you've both said some things you don't mean."

“I meant every word. I'm done with you and with her.” Bambam walks away. Mark and Jackson glare at Yugyeom nastily before walking after him. 

Yugyeom stands his ground but he’s ready to start shaking and crying. 

He ignores JB, who was no help in the situation, and trudges away to find a quiet place to recover before he goes to see Sana. 

#  Just an artificial enemy

"How did it go?" I nervously shake my leg. 

Yugyeom's face says it all as he really looks at me. He looks drained. They must've fought. I close my eyes for a moment before pushing myself off the bed to hold him. 

"I'm sure he'll come around."

Yugyeom shakes a little.

"He has to, right?"

"Yes," I reassure him and run my hand up and down the broad expanse of his back soothingly.

"He accused us of cheating." Yugyeom’s tone is flat and his face is blank. His eyes lack any kind of emotion and he must be so exhausted. 

"He knows it's not true. He was just mad. Don't worry. Please. He'll get over it. We just have to give him time."

“I think I’m gonna go lay down.”

I nod and accompany him but stop in the doorway of his room and watch him hesitate before getting into bed.

The door to his room falls shut behind me and I press myself against it knowing he won’t be able to hear me in the hallway to his dorm. 

How much of what I just promised him was really true? 

He had to come around, right? 

. . .

How much more time do I have to give him? 

It's been two weeks already. I know this kind of pain doesn't heal overnight, but he'd been over me.

Every time I come across Bambam in town or on campus, he looks at me like I've burned down his childhood home and all the material evidence of his happy childhood. 

I don't know how much more I can take.

Yugyeom says Bambam still glares at him when he sees him. 

Their friend group is in shambles at the moment. Jinyoung stays out of it, but it still feels like he's taken a side. Jaebeom stays neutral, truly. He's a good mediator but it also makes it hard for Yugyeom to confide in him. Youngjae also tries to stay out of it, but he checks on Yugyeom more than Bambam. Bambam has Mark and Jackson, of course. 

More often than not he looks hungover and I worry. He never used to smoke or drink to cope so I really hope he's okay. 

It's hard for Yugyeom. He's lucky that his other friends have his back. 

Jungkook looks at me the same way I look at feet-- with an odd mix of fear and disgust. I wonder if he'll ever come around. 

Dongmin is really kind. I want to set him up with Kyunghee, but don't want to overstep any boundaries in our new friendship. 

Mingyu keeps his distance, though. His girlfriend looks at me with pity in her eyes.

This awkward situation takes a toll on everybody and I just want it to end. 

The way I see things ending is by removing myself from the situation. Maybe then Bambam and Yugyeom can reconnect, save their friendship. Their friend group can recover and Mingyu will start hanging out with Yugyeom again. Also, Jungkook can stop retching every time Yugyeom and I hold hands. It can’t be good for his throat. 

. . . 

The whole relationship started in the flames of God’s stove, I decide. It seemed they liked to play with the fire like there weren’t people in the pan (or those who fell out of it, like me). 

Convincing myself it’s for the best is hard because I’m selfish and don’t want to give Yugyeom up. It’ll hurt, but it’s for the best in the long run. 

Bambam and Yugyeom can be saved if I simply keep my distance and that’s what’s best for him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know idol/ofc fics aren't popular, but thank you to the few people that click on the story!!


	5. This Failure is Built Deep into My Design

"Bambam," I say softly. 

He looks at me like I'm a ghost. 

"Come on, let's talk things out now."

Tears spring up in my eyes as his expression turns mean. 

"Why should I?"

"Aren't you tired of hurting?"

"Yeah," he scoffs. "And you're the reason why I'm hurt in the first place."

"Don't forgive me, then. But please, forgive Yugyeom. I can't stand to watch him hurt anymore. He hasn't been eating or dancing or doing anything besides going to class lately."

His face softens momentarily. I can tell he's worried, even if he doesn't want to be. But then his features harden again.

"He's not my problem anymore. Why don't you go blow him? I'm sure he'll cheer up then."

"That was uncalled for," I state bluntly. He scoffs. "Look. You don't have to forgive me, but make up with him. You're both not doing well. I just want you both to be okay again."

"Why do you even care?" He spits after a minute of avoiding my gaze. 

"Because I care about you. I didn't want things to turn out this way. I loved you. I really, really did," I stress. "But it wasn't working. I always wanted you in my life, though. When Yugyeom asked me out I was going to say no, because of you. I didn't want to hurt you. He didn't either. He told me he wasn't worried about it. He said you'd come around because he wasn't going to let your friendship die, but you won't let him back in and it's killing him."

He stays quiet and thinks about it. 

"Listen. . . I broke up with him. I'm not going to get back with you. If it means you'll be friends, then I'll end things so you and him and all of your friends can be happy again."

"Why would you--?" He can't put his thoughts into words. 

"I really care for him, but if it means you'll both be happy I'll do it. You guys have been best friends since you moved here and I don't want to come in between that. I never did."

"Stop," he sits forward with a sigh and drags his hands down his face. "Don't do that. I know he was really happy with you. And. . . And it's time I grow up. I miss my best friend and I miss you."

He looks around the square and I stare at the water in the fountain. 

"I'm sorry. It really hurt me when he told me you two were together. I just didn't expect you to move on so soon. Especially not with him. But I have to admit that I thought about it and I'm glad. I know he'll take care of you." He casts his eyes upwards to the sky and I follow suit. "He's a good guy. And this way is. . . actually good. Because I'll get to keep you as one of my closest friends and him. I'm sorry I was so dramatic for so long."

I chuckle wryly, "you wouldn't be you if you weren't so dramatic."

He laughs too.

It gets quiet. 

“So you’ll get back together with him?”

“If he’ll have me,” I nod. "Will you call him?"

"Would he even pick up?"

"He would. But if you want, I'll call him."

He nods so I get my phone from my bag and dial his number. 

It rings and rings and rings, but eventually goes to voicemail. Maybe he’s really mad at me. I probably would be mad too, but I’d still pick up.

"That's weird. He would pick up even if he’s mad at me, right? Unless he’s in class."

"Yeah. He's not in class right now, though," Bambam supplies, brows crinkling. 

"I wonder if he's--"

"You said he hasn't been eating? Maybe we should go check on him."

We take off across campus towards his dorm.

. . .

My eyes widen, "oh my god." Bambam and I both crash to our knees to grab at Yugyeom. 

"Yugyeom!"

I stick my fingers together and reach for his neck to check his pulse. 

"Bambam, call an ambulance."

. . . 

“Gyeomie? Oh my God, I’m so sorry. I thought I could make things better if I just left you all alone. I’m so sorry I hurt you,” I confess to him as he sleeps. “You have to wake up. How else am I supposed to ask you for forgiveness and to be my boyfriend again?”

“Sana,” he whispers, “it’s okay.” He looks etiolated and his voice is scratchy.

"Don't you ever fucking scare me like that again," I cry and slap his hand weakly. 

He smiles gently at me, "sorry."

"He's awake?"

I nod at Bambam and he comes into the room. 

Yugyeom frowns somewhat dopey, "what's he doing here?"

"I came to say sorry.”

Yugyeom nods and sighs, “let's talk later. I'm still tired.”

I push Yugyeom's hair out of his face with my free hand. Bambam sits in the plastic chair next to me.

“You should rest. You weren't out that long,” I advise.

"You scared the shit out of us, Gyeom."

“Hey Bam?”

“Yeah?”

“I'm glad to have you back, buddy.”

“Me too, pal. Get some rest. I love you, man.”

Yugyeom drifts off to sleep and I hold Bambam's hand as he cries. 

He'd been so scared this whole time that Yugyeom wouldn't wake up the same or that he'd never forgive him. I was terrified too so it feels good to release some of the emotions too. 

#  Breathe out

“Isn't that huge party tonight? The one everyone is talking about?”

“Yeah?”

“You don't want to go?”

“Nah. I'd rather not since we are spending the day together and I know it's not something you enjoy.”

“Yeah but you like it.”

Yugyeom shrugs, “there'll be more parties. Besides, I'm not really in the mood to go get drunk in a field somewhere. I'd much rather take you out for dinner and then come back here to hang out.”

The way he really just wants to spend time together is refreshingly cute. His reward is plenty of food and water with a bonus of cuddling to a movie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there will be an epilogue and then this one is done :) 
> 
> this fic is the product of me wanting to write some angst in the vein of 'mistreated s/o starts to catch feelings for ex-s/o's best friend'


	6. A New Face, a Different Story, the Same Mess of Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bambam deserves a happy ending too.

“Bambam, you’re up,” the DJ announces. He stands and straightens his suit jacket before walking over to the man to accept the microphone. He clears his throat and greets everyone at the wedding before addressing his speech to us.

“Yugyeom and Sana, my two best friends. When I think about all the things that happened for us to reach this point. . . I’m sorry. Yugyeom, you’ve been my best friend since I moved here thirteen years ago. We’ve done everything together since then. You taught me how to ride a bike and didn’t rat on me when I accidentally broke your arm. You let me have a place in your life when whether or not I deserved it was questionable. I love you, brother, and I’m really happy for you. Sana. . . You were gold, but I was colorblind. I’m glad Yugyeom could see you for your true worth. You’re one of the most kind, loving, and genuine people I’ve ever met. It thrills me that you both are together. I wouldn’t let either of you be with someone I didn’t think was deserving of you. I wish you guys all the best. I’m sure you two are right for eachother. I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life. Thank you both for letting me grow with you.”

Bambam’s words and expressions are genuine from sadness and guilt to happiness. 

_ Thank you, _ I mouth to him. 

“I love you too, man.”

He smiles back and all three of us dab at our tears with the white napkins from the table.

The DJ meets him to take back the microphone and he starts to move on, talking about how touching the speech was and introducing the dances that are to follow.

Bambam comes over to do his handshake with Yugyeom and gives me a hug. I kiss his cheek. 

“Thank you guys,” Bambam expresses his utmost thanks to us as he has before. Somehow it feels like this time is the last time that he’ll feel he has to express it to us so sentimentally. I’m glad because I want him to stop feeling like he is indebted to us.

“We love you, man,” Yugyeom reassures him and thanks him for a beautiful speech all in one. I simply glance between the two of them.

Having both of them in my life, I couldn’t get any more lucky.

#  'Cause you were gold but I'm colorblind

“You think she’s the one? You’ve only been out three times,” Yugyeom points out. 

Bambam smiles.

I smile at the lovestruck look on his face and know that this one will last. I can feel it in my soul

He deserves it. 

He opens his mouth and his words take on a wistful tone.

“When she kissed me, it was like I saw color again.”

**Author's Note:**

> Next chapter coming tomorrow. 
> 
> Find me on Twitter: [https://twitter.com/ninaaavan](url)


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